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5 Reason’s Why Herman Cain Is Just What This Campus Needs

CUCR chose you! Herman Cain Go!

You know what they say, no Cain, no gain! That’s so far been proven true enough since the race for the Republican presidential nominee hasn’t gained any momentum since Cain dropped out. But while Romney and Santorum fail to drum up excitement, Columbia is moderately psyched for Cain’s speech next week, 7:00pm Tuesday, April 10th in Low Rotunda. Ok, Cain’s no Obama, but there’s a few good reasons Columbians should be more enthusiastic for Cain’s Morningside appearance, such as…

#5 A Unique Perspective:

Cain isn’t your typical Republican who’s been towing the party line for decades. He’s a businessman who hasn’t really focused on the business world since 2000. He’s sort of all over the place from Burger King to Godfather’s Pizza to the Kansas City Fed to talk radio and then politics. 2012 isn’t the first election he’s run in either. He put his name in for the Republican presidential nominee in 2000, and then in 2004 he tried to be a senator. So far Cain’s had bad luck getting nominated, but he went pretty far in this race, especially for someone who hasn’t held a major office.

But now Cain is out and that means he’s free to talk about who’s left in. Sure, he’s going to pretend to like Romney, Santorum, and Gingrich, but this is Herman cain we’re talking about. He’s not one to shy away from a question. He’d laugh and make it sound all folksy before laying down some truth on the state of the GOP.

#4 He’s A Secret Nerd

This is the guy who quoted a song from Pokemon 2000 the movie. Seriously, it was a Donna Summers song too. Don’t believe me? Watch the clip below, he fesses up to it!

It’s not just Pokemon. Some nerds noticed that Cain’s 9-9-9 plan seemed familiar. The goal is to simplify the tax code by replacing it with three simple rates: 9-percent business transactions tax, 9-percent personal income tax, and 9-percent federal sales tax. Where could you have seen this before? SimCity 4, that’s where! Yes, the default way your city collects taxes in the game is none other than Cain’s big campaigning promise.

Ok, both Pokemon and SimCity could have been coincidences, but Cain should embrace his geeky pedigree. After all, there are nerd voters and Obama’s been pandering to them for years by flaunting his comic book collection. Just recently a picture has gotten popular on the web  showing Obama and Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek (actress Nichelle Nichols) doing the Vulcan “Live Long and Prosper” hand gesture in the Oval Office. Seriously, how can the Republicans top that? Maybe Cain should dress up like pikachu in his next speaking event.

beam me up

This presidential race is about to get real nerdy...

#3 He Doesn’t Take Himself Too Seriously

Cain’s no clown, but he’s also probably one of the more mellow prominent Republicans. He’s also good for a joke. Just look the “Rock Me Like a Herman Cain South Cain-olina Primary” rally.  In January Cain teamed up with Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert to open up the South Carolina in style, complete with marching band and gospel choir. There Cain, who had already dropped out of the race, poked fun at his campaign with Colbert, and even sang some sweet tunes to the crowd of 3,000-5,000 people.

Now can you even imagine Romney, Santorum, or Gingrich even having even the slightest sense of humor? Sure, Romney might try to make it seem like he is a regular dude, but it just comes off as hollow. Even the Republicans would have to agree, if there ever were politicians who are most likely aliens in disguise, it’d be those three. But Herman Cain’s the kind of guy you can relax around without fear of abduction or alien probing. He’s for fun, and isn’t that what Columbia needs right now? Someone to come and tell us all to “lighten up?”

#4 There’s So Much To Ask!

If you’ve read this far, you know there’s a lot to Herman Cain besides his attempts to become president. He’s a business man, a tea party activate, a secret nerd, a guy who can take a joke, he’s not one to back down from a question. He’s all that, and he’ll be here on Campus next week. That means that after he speaks there may be a Q&A session. Just imagine the possibilities! Ask him about Pokemon, or about what it was like working with Colbert, or what’s his favorite pizza topping. He’ll listen to them all with a grandfatherly smile, laugh, and then answer you honestly. How exciting is that?  Of course you could always be serious and ask about real politics, and he’s give you a straight answer as well, but isn’t that wasting a golden opportunity? Hell, if he play our cards right we could even get him to sing.

#5 Think of The Pizza

Ok, we can only hope. But hey, Dean Valentini did it, bringing Pizza to the freshman dorms. Why can’t Cain show Deanatini who the real Pizza-man is? Or, better yet, get to employing America by starting at Columbia. After all, it’s a big part of his economic plan, and not all of us have our summer plans figured out. We’re counting on you Cain, hook us up!

Not our first choice Mr. Cain but we have an education to pay for



One thought on “5 Reason’s Why Herman Cain Is Just What This Campus Needs

  1. Pingback: Cub Pub Scrubdown |

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